It's been a few weeks since the lovely Catherine from Action on Depression set up this blog for me. And it's taking me a few weeks to get to this point. Which I'm sure that most people who know me in real life or interact with me online would probably be very surprised by!
I talk a lot - both online and offline. I blog a lot, on my main blog, which is mental health related. But it is a more general mental health blog - even if my own experiences which gives me the background for it - but this is personal and that is more difficult.
People who know in me real life in particular probably know me as a bubbly chatting girl, and have little idea of what lies behind that. How much I struggle. How worthless I feel behind it all. How alone I feel. How scared I feel. How difficult even the smallest thins are. How much emotional pain I live in each and every day.
Oh I probably sound like such a drama queen, but it's the truth. I just hide it well.
I have been through a really difficult couple of years with my mental health. I have hit rock bottom. I have spent a long time severely suicidal. I have overdosed a lot, self-harmed, been to psychiatric hospital - the lot.
I've been through all that and I still live each day with a mental health problem and because I'm not like I used to be I guess that many thing I'm fine now. I'm far from it. I cope better. I don't believe I will get that bad again. But things are far from well.
One issue perhaps is that because I spent all that time really unwell - because I spent so long so suicidal, I tend to think that what I live with now isn't a big deal because after all, I'm not like I used to be. That is good, yes, but what I live with now is a big deal and I want things to get a lot better.
I want there to be more to life than this. I want there to be more to ME than this.
I don't know if that even explained anything. I told very little about my background, little about how I am now, but I guess it's a start.
This won't be a blog where I moan or where I vent. But it will be a place where I express me, the real me, my personal space. It will express what reality is for me, the good and the bad :)
For now, thanks for reading, take care and I'll talk to you soon :)